Just wanted to say for now, thank you all SO MUCH for your kind and encouraging words because this has been a pretty rough year for me so far and boy – she’s not letting up! 😂😭 I had some somewhat serious health issues the last week or so that were pretty debilitating, but I’m starting to feel better now – thank the Lord. But there are still things that need to be done about those issues. So, sorry for the delay in re-writing my reply (that was perfect the first time, dang it). 😂

But I still would like to say more to each person here because, well, I want to. 😂 But for now, thank you all and so much love for you all! 😻🥰❤️

Okay, here’s Part 2: The Rambling Never Ends! 😂

@johanna2509, thank you SO much, Johanna! Your encouragement means so much, especially about my writing. I actually did start to create a site for a blog because I love to write so much (both in volume and in intensity 😂), but I had trouble setting it up for some reason and gave up too soon. I should maybe revisit that. Thank you for mentioning it!! 😁

Haha!! Well, considering it was only one take, that was some pretty amazing playing! I think our own mistakes seem so much bigger to us, but other people barely even notice them. I actually think your one-take approach is a really great strategy to try!

Well, the Open Mics are the Virtual Open Mics through Ukulele Underground. They’re over Zoom – the first Thursday of every month. You can join to just watch, as an audience member (not even on camera, if you don’t want). Gi Gi introduced me to them and we go together now. I was still absolutely petrified the first time I played. It actually took me months of just joining to watch (in the audience), when one month everyone sort of rallied together at the same time to encourage me to try playing. I did it, and even though I dissociated (disconnected from reality) in the moment, when I watched the replay back later, I realized it was better than I thought. That has been very insightful – just to realize that even when I am absolutely terrified inside, it does not show as much as it “should” to others, which is actually extremely comforting to me as an Overly Anxious Person (OAP). 😂 That little group of people at the Open Mic is pretty great. One of them has the same last name as me, even though he lives in Australia, which is pretty crazy. So, I call him “cuz” now because we’re cousins, apparently. Maybe we’re related? That’d be pretty wild. He is magical though. But yes, playing there is still really scary every time, but it’s become more possible and is helpful to feel that fear and learn how to play through that fear. I owe Gi Gi so much for encouraging me to do that and being there for me during it all (because we would always go together and be each other’s cheerleaders – and also entertain each other with “side commentary”). 😂 It’s really fun though and good practice for being terrified – as Matt likes to say. 😂

Thank you so much about my singing! That really means a lot. 🙂 I find it so funny when anyone says that I seem confident, when really most of the time I am so unsure inside. There are times I do feel very confident, like when I know an instrumental song really well and can convey the exact emotion I want (or have “room” for the musical emotions to unfold freely as I feel them. That “room” exists when I don’t have to think about what I’m playing, but only how I’m playing it). But for when I feel much less confident (like with singing), I have a strategy – I just imagine that I am someone who is beautiful, confident, and strong – just imagining that I have those qualities makes me feel like I have them more. Maybe it does actually cause me to have them (maybe not the beauty part, LOL!). That may seem crazy, but that may be why that “confidence” conveys more sometimes. They sometimes call that, “fake it ’til you make it.” But it’s really true that if you say kind things to yourself, it really affects how you view yourself. So yeah, I have lot more thoughts about that, but singing is a very personal and deep thing to me especially in how I view myself and my own struggle with self-confidence.

Hehe, I will get to it! It seems I’m finally in the mode of “getting to things” finally. This is like a mini-email right now though, ha. Thank you again so much for your lovely post! 😊🥰

@nat-uke, thank you, Nat, that really means so much right now!! I’m so happy when I get the chance to reply to everyone. I wish I could every time, but even I – who seemingly has more free time than most people – can’t always do that. I still love to listen to and appreciate every entry and every person here, including you, whose posts are always fun to read and so cheerful, along with your lovely playing. So, thank you for that and so much for your kind words! 🥰😊

@janaq1, that means so much that you say all of that! Thank you! I’m literally crying again. 😂 Your encouragement just means so much to me when I’ve been feeling so down (that can happen if you let yourself disconnect from those around you – and for me also those in this community who have meant so much to me). It just really touches me that what I shared helped you be more open and want to communicate more with everyone here – I love that. Your playing is also so inspiring – you are a really incredible uke player. I especially remember you had some originals that were really amazing that you shared a long while ago, but there is so much feeling and skill behind all your playing. I always look forward to seeing what you share. Your words really touched me so much! Thank you, Jana! 🥰

@dianna, thank you so much, my friend!! Your encouragement means even more to me right now! 🥰❤️ I remember a few times when you left feedback for pretty much everyone and you leave lovely comments all the time, so I was definitely thinking about you when I wrote this post! 😀 It just shows how special it is that Andrew leaves feedback for every person, every challenge (except for this crazy free-for-all month, which I will miss his feedback, tbh) and also just how much depth he puts into his replies with his musical knowledge. His encouragement has really inspired me since I joined here and I want so much to reflect that back to others (though my posts are more encouragement than technically helpful – I definitely learn more from Andrew’s posts). Anyway, thank you so, so much! I am so moved and my spirits are so brightened by what you said. There have been so many times that you’ve encouraged me since I’ve been here. Thank you so much!! 🥰

…

Thank you all SO MUCH again! I was so incredibly moved by the things you said here and your encouragement. It meant extra much right now! Thank you all for being so lovely! 🥰❤️

@abster, awwww, wow, thank you! It’s an honor that you say that!! It truly is a joy to play clawhammer, it’s so stinkin’ fun! I just realized recently that I’ve gotten a little rusty with it, so I need to fix that! I hope we hear more of that from @Abster, he’s already got such skills in the technique!! 🙂

Hey @jbmills07 Justin!! I immediately knew roughly what I was going to do, which was one of the Live Lesson options – because I love how open-ended that is. I’m probably going to do the Live Lesson Andrew mentioned, “What Is Your Ukulele Superpower?” (not to give too much away because I want it to be a surprise) but then I had a moment of inspiration last night, knowing “more approximately” what I’m going to do – a more specific, rough idea. 😂 You could also do that – showcase what your Ukulele Superpower is (here is the link to that lesson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDcdJEyJZFg)! I’d love to see that! I think you can also choose any song from 2025, and there are a lot of great options with that. 🙂 I also saw that you left me a lovely comment on my YouTube video for the August challenge – just haven’t gotten to reply yet, but thank you so much for your kind words there! 🙂 My health has been very spotty, as I’ve mentioned, and I’m just getting caught up with things now. A lot of it has to do with my anxiety and the effects it’s had on my health – which have been pretty serious, but I am hoping and praying that I am through the worst of it now, though I am still dealing with daily physical symptoms (though overall less intense than last month so far, but I take it day by day, hour by hour, and I’m learning to navigate this “new normal” right now). I am trying to lean on my family and my faith – and the healthcare I am trying to acquire – as I navigate what I’m going through right now. I went into more detail here because I don’t think too many people will read this, though I’m still being vague enough that I think it’s okay. 😂 Sorry, hopped aboard the TMI train there once again. I basically am the conductor of that train. Anyway, I really look forward to whatever you pick!! 🙂

@jbmills07, thank you so much for all of that, Justin! Your thoughts and prayers mean a lot. I’ll say more about that in a minute. 😊

Ha, I understand what you mean when you say you have “choice overload.” There are so many amazing songs to choose from here. It can be helpful when there are only four to six options. I kind of thrive in a “free-for-all” environment which is probably pretty obvious. 😂 I actually know 100% what I’m doing now; hopefully I can get a good chunk of it done this weekend and week coming up. 😊

I’m not sure if you picked a song yet or went with one that @Andrew suggested (the first “Rocktober” song already being released – and that’s amazing – you could defs do that one and it’d be really awesome. Here ’tis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kw1C5KNtZAs). I also looked through RC101’s YouTube to find the most recent tunes and picked four from 2025 that I think would be lovely if you played them (because the new search here isn’t public yet, otherwise I would’ve used that!!):

Drifting (beautiful tune by Matt, if I remember correctly)

“Drifting” – Matt Dahlberg

The Interstallar theme by Sammy (I always forget how he writes his screen name, is it 4StringBoy? 😂)

“Interstellar (Main Theme)” – Movie Theme

Sunset Skip by Matt (I think Marianne did this one and it was absolutely beautiful – it’d be so lovely if you did it, too!)

“Sunset Skip” – Rock Class 101

Etude No. 37 by Andrew (very beautiful and not too tricky to learn if you’re just starting now, because it’s marked as beginner level)

“Fingerpicking Etude no. 37: The In-And-Out Pattern” – Rock Class 101

Then there’s this mini-lesson No. 24, but I don’t if those are an option – I’m sure they are, though. 😊

A Shade of Minor – ML024

So there ya go! I curated a list for you!!! They’re made up of both songs I love and songs I think that would be lovely if you played them! 😉 😂 Also, it’s totally okay if you already picked something else, obviously. 😊

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And just wanted to say thank you again for your thoughts and prayers about my health and for your encouragement. It really means a lot and lifts my spirits to read that. 🥰

A good portion of the issues relate to my mental health. I have had issues with my depression and anxiety my whole life – a very physical experience of those issues. I think sometimes people don’t understand how those conditions can be so very physically debilitating and, at times, absolutely terrifying – when you feel like you have no control over your own mind and your interpretation of, or connection to, reality. It’s actually hard to think of something scarier than that. In August, I had some really bad panic attacks that basically led to me having non-stop panic/anxiety issues for the entire month – that led me to go to doctors who did not give me the best mental health treatment (though it is typical of what they recommend and makes sense) and I reacted very badly to it. I am still recovering from all that, but right now feeling better. Every day is a battle to recover – it can be very intense, but taking it one day, one hour, at a time, and learning techniques to manage it. For me, more natural solutions tend to be better for those kind of issues. I feel like I can jinx if I say, “I’m doing better today,” then I seem to suddenly not be doing better. But I am slowly, slowly, getting better and back to normal. I am still playing ukulele pretty often and trying my best to be productive, but also rest when I can. 😊

Also, I am going to get another cat before winter because my family and I decided that cats are the solution to all ails. 😉 😂

The anxiety I was having also related to a “heart issue” that they discovered because I thought I might’ve had a heart attack when I had the worst panic attack early last month – so they did an EKG and did discover a heart abnormality. So, that fueled my anxiety more because I am hyper-sensitive to things happening in my body in general, but then I kept thinking, “welp, I guess I’m dying.” 😂 That’s an intrusive thought, though parts of your brain can send false alarm signals and make you feel that way. There is a chance that could just be my normal heartbeat that is slightly “off.” But I am in weekly contact with a counselor about these issues and have doctors appointments for checking on the other causes of the heart palpitations I’ve been having non-stop (one potential cause is Lyme’s disease, which can cause abnormalities in your heartbeat, but also high cholesterol, thyroid issues, and vitamin deficiencies can cause that, so I’m having those things tested next week and also seeing a cardiologist at the beginning of next month). So yeah, that’s basically what’s been going on. So, part of what was so stressful is not knowing if my mind was causing the issues (because again anxiety can cause very physical reactions in your body, including with your heart), or if the physical issues were causing the anxiety – it turns out it was probably both. 😂 But I feel, think, and pray that things are getting better now.

One other thing that I want to mention is that all of this relates to my faith in God and my relationship to Him, so that’s been another really profound aspect of this experience – is that I feel the trouble I’ve gone through has caused me to reconnect with God in a much deeper way than I have in a long, long time. I never have lost my faith, but I was not really living it the way I should. So, prayer, reconnecting to God through His Word, and through music – through the ukulele and singing. I feel like that is why I went through this, is because God was drawing me back to Him, even though it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. I also think because I have drifted away from Him in some ways, such as not going to church every week, that has caused my mental health issues to run even more rampant, as I have a tendency to want to isolate myself. So, I view this as a really good thing. It is a lot happening at once, but steadily trying to take it all in and adjust my lifestyle in every way conceivable, basically – including adding in more exercise because that can also help with all these issues. 😂

But yeah, I feel like I am doing much, much better than I was. It helps that I know a bit more what is going on, in that a good chunk of it is just my “monkey mind” (amygdala) going crazy with fight or flight reactions, a good part because of my own thoughts. So, I am trying to be mindful with that. So yes, an ongoing recovery every day. Thank you again for all your kind words and support, Justin! 😊

@leb397, thank you so much, my friend! Your encouragement and concern means a lot, Louisa. 🥰 I detailed a lot of what’s been going on (above) to Justin, just because I think it’s less helpful in my case to be vague. Ha, yes, oopsies, I sure can be prolific! I have said it multiple times but I am planning to really start a blog before the end of the year because I think it could be really good for me. I have had a lot of inspiration to write on these topics, especially spiritual topics, such as about the Psalms, so I think that might be a good chunk of what I write there, along with sharing my ukulele tabs and songs, daily goings on, experience as an older single lady, recipes, and things. So, I think that could be a really good, productive, cathartic outlet for me. 😊 Hahaha, I would love if Andrew did something like that because my love for this group of people is deep and undying, and I love to “give back” the encouragement and inspiration everyone here has given to me. So, it definitely goes both ways. 😊

And thank you again for your kind and thoughtful words and to everyone else who was so incredibly encouraging about all of this and also about my entry for August – in case I don’t get back to that. The ridiculous, beautiful otamatone – so stinkin’ stupid. That made me laugh so hard last month and still gets me every time. 😂 My entry for September will be even worse as far as the silliness, but that should be fun right now, hopefully I can get it together. Thank you again for the thoughts and prayers, they help a lot right now! 🥰

• This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Andrew.
• This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by The_Bumble_Bard.